Ever get the feeling that you’ve been misunderstood?
Some theories suggest that as much as 93% of communication comes from body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. This leaves only 7% from the actual words we say.
Let’s try an experiment – take this sentence: “I never said she stole your jacket.” Now, read it out loud seven times, each time emphasizing a different word. Start with the first word “I,” then the second “never,” and so on. You’ll find that you get seven different meanings from just changing the inflection of one word.
When we communicate through text messages, emails, and apps, we miss out on this critical information that helps us interpret the sender’s message.
At the end of the day, communication is all about sending and receiving messages and information. Effective communication occurs when the receiver understands the message as the sender intended.
How many times have you been misunderstood in a text or email?
George Bernard Shaw, an Irish playwright, and essayist once said, “The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
We all live in an internal world. Everything we experience from the outside world is filtered through a host of mental processes, biases, expectations, focus, emotions, deletions, distortions, and generalizations.
Did you know, for instance, that you have a blind spot in your vision? Yes, that’s right – it’s right in the middle of your eye! Don’t believe me? Try this simple test: Hold both of your thumbs up in front of you, arms extended and straight, with thumbs touching. Close your left eye and focus on your left thumb with your right eye. Then slowly move your right thumb (and hand) away from your left thumb while keeping your right eye fixed on your left thumb and your left eye closed. You should notice the top of your thumb disappear. This is due to the location where the optic nerve exits the eye to connect to the brain.
What’s fascinating, though, is that you probably never even knew it was there! Your brain is so good at filling in information and gaps, but not always correctly!
Take a look at this picture. What if I told you both squares A and B are exactly the same colour? Would you believe me? Well, they are! It’s your brain changing the information it’s receiving to match what it expects to see, and it’s all due to the shadow in the picture. You can read more about the Checker shadow illusion on Wikipedia.
Our brains constantly change things and make assumptions. So do we. Thank goodness for whoever created Emojis! At least they allow us to add some emotional context to text.
So, what can we do?
Instead of sending a text, maybe we can pick up the phone, especially for important conversations. Perhaps next time we’re on Teams or Zoom, we can turn on our cameras and ask others to do the same (with advance warning, just in case someone is in their pants!). Maybe we can get up and speak to someone face to face if possible (rather than sending a long email to someone who works in the same building).
I know it’s not always an option, but I think we can all agree that we could make more effort to improve our communication and decrease the risk of miscommunication by using methods that offer us more information.
What are some ideas you have for how we can improve our communication? 😊
